Apparently they’re all going to be on the Colbert Report tonight where Falafel Bill’s alter ego will accept the petition.

Anyway, listening to Nas talk about Obama in reverential tones of course reminded me of DMX‘s (rather divergent) views on the man. And speaking of Nas and DMX at the same time, it would be the height of irresponsibility to not mention the fact that they starred together in the finest cinematic achievement in the history of moving pictures, Belly.

Odd that in 1998, Nas’ star was on the wane while DMX seemed to be destined to rule the game for years. Fast forward to present day and Nas is firmly lodged (nullus?) in the all-time top five list, and DMX has been reduced to impersonating random dudes to avoid emergency room bills:

Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas said Tuesday a grand jury has charged DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, with one count of theft and one count of taking someone else’s identity.

Authorities say the 37-year-old Simmons went to Scottsdale’s Mayo Clinic in April and told staff his name was “Troy Jones” and received care with the intent of not paying.

I imagine that unless someone gets Earl/DMX/Troy into rehab pretty soon, he’s not going to make his 40th birthday. Maybe then Belly will find it’s audience…

Rapper DMX jailed in Dade County Miami Herald (6/23/08):

Rapper DMX was arrested Monday on a warrant for not having a valid driver’s license, Miami-Dade police say.

The rapper, whose real name is Earl Simmons, 37, was being held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center on Monday afternoon. His bond is set at $500.

The gruff-rapping Simmons has been dogged by brushes with the law over the years.

Ya think?

Rapper The Game (a.k.a. Teh Ghey) is getting Obama’s face tattooed on his back. I’m guessing it’s because he’s a big fan of telco immunity. Either way, this is a very negative leading indicator.

If you’re keeping score at home, it’s The Game and Leon vs DMX. I think you all know where I stand.

Previously: The Wisdom of DMX:

XXL: Barack Obama, yeah.
DMX: Barack?!

XXL: Barack.
DMX: What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

XXL: Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
DMX: Barack Obama?

XXL: Yeah.
DMX: What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

XXL: You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
DMX: I ain’t really paying much attention.

XXL: I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
DMX: Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

Since moving to Arizona, X has been out of the headlines, unless you count his brief stint as star of his own BET reality show Soul Of A Man. But as he readies two new albums, (one of them “gospel rap”) he’s been hitting the interview circuit. And he really went for it with XXL via C&D:

XXL: Are you following the presidential race?
DMX: Not at all.

XXL: You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
DMX: His name is Barack?!

XXL: Barack Obama, yeah.
DMX: Barack?!

XXL: Barack.
DMX: What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

XXL: Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
DMX: Barack Obama?

XXL: Yeah.
DMX: What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

XXL: You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
DMX: I ain’t really paying much attention.

XXL: I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
DMX: Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

I guess you could say that X is the anti-Leon…

He also had something to say about George W. Bush, which puts him a bit more in line with public sentiment:

XXL: We could have a female president also, Hillary Clinton.
DMX: I mean, either way it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. No one person is directly affected by which president, you know, so what does it matter.

XXL: Yeah, but the country is.
DMX: I guess. The president is a puppet anyway. The president don’t make no damn decisions.

XXL: The president…they don’t have that much authority basically?
DMX: Nah, never.

XXL: But Bush pretty much…
DMX: You think Bush is making fuckin’ decisions?

XXL: He did, yeah, he fucked up the country.
DMX: He act like he making decisions. He could barely speak! He could barely fuckin’ speak!
Can’t be serious. He ain’t making no damn decisions.

DMX for President.

Can we get dude a personal assistant/driver now?

The rapper DMX failed to show up in court Wednesday to face a bevy of bad-driving charges, and a judge who had granted him two postponements said she had had enough.

City Court Judge Barbara Leak issued an arrest warrant for DMX…”We have granted him a number of courtesies,” the judge said. “It ends now.”

X’s exploits (just this month):

DMX was pulled over in White Plains on June 2 for speeding and making unsafe lane changes in a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban, police said. Once he was stopped, police said, officers found he was not wearing a seat belt and did not have a driver’s license.

Nine days later, he was ticketed for driving a 2006 Suburban on the shoulder of the Hutchinson River Parkway in Harrison.

On June 16, police in Scottsdale, Ariz., cited him for carrying a concealed handgun outside a nightclub. They said he pulled the gun from a holster and put it under the front seat of his 1964 Chevrolet convertible.

Previously: DMX Needs a Chauffeur

AllHipHop.com : Daily Hip-Hop News:

Rapper DMX has confirmed that a sequel to the Hip-Hop cult film Belly is in the works titled Beast.

“It’s me, Nas and Hype, [Williams, the director of the film]. I go and get [Nas' character in Africa],” DMX told AllHipHop.com. “We start filming this year.”
[...]
“We got a sick story and all that,” DMX continued. “We’re starting this one off how the last one ended and pick it up from there.”

Hopefully there will be some kind of Weekend at Bernies 2-type voodoo business that will allow Lennox and Shameek to come back.

Just get DMX a driver.

New York Criminal Court judge George Villegas said: “I’m not going to put him on probation because he’s a violation waiting to happen.”

No, Sincere is not going to bail you out this time.

Hold ya head, Bunz.

We’ve been covering the saga of DMX‘s legal problems for a while, and now it seems to be coming to a head:

The rapper DMX faces 60 days in prison after he pleaded guilty Tuesday to violating the conditions of his release following a car crash last year at John F. Kennedy International Airport, officials said.
[...]
DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, pleaded guilty last December to reckless endangerment and acknowledged he was taking Valium when he smashed his sport utility vehicle into a gate at Kennedy Airport in June 2004, after telling a parking lot attendant he was a federal agent.

His conditional discharge didn’t go so well:

Since then, the rapper has been cited twice for traffic violations, once involving driving a car at 104 mph near his Westchester County home one week after his last sentencing. In April, he was involved in an accident in the Bronx with two other vehicles, one of which was an unmarked police car.

You might be thinking “Damn, X, 104 is pretty fast, and maybe it would be best to stay away from unmarked police cars,” but what you should be thinking is “What the hell is X doing living in Westchester County?”

From: AllHipHop.com

AllHipHop.com: But aren’t you not supposed to be driving at all?

DMX: Listen, that ain’t got nothing to do with nothing aight? If I ain’t break the law, you shouldn’t pull me over anyway. How do you know it’s me? My windows are tinted. Nahmean? I still got my name on the back of my truck. But you shouldn’t assume that it’s me driving!

AllHipHop.com: Why do you have your name on the back of the truck and you know the cops are watching you?

DMX: Yo, one cop told me-he pulled me over- cool brotha, I forgot his name. I wouldn’t blow him up anyway but, he pulled me over and he told me one precinct has a betting pool, a fuckin’ betting pool on who was gonna bring me in next. It was up to like $2,000.

AllHipHop.com: See, you should be ridin low, in a Celica or something!

DMX: Fuck that! I go hard. I ride with the dog. Reach in here and try to turn something off if you want to muthafucka, you’ll pull back a nub.

Previously: Life Imitates Art.

On Friday, he upped the ante:

Rapper DMX was arrested after a three-car crash involving a police cruiser on a major New York City expressway, police said on Saturday. Police said a car driven by DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, hit another car, which then slammed into the cruiser late Friday on the Major Deegan Expressway in the Bronx.

Could he have been in character as Bunz from the greatest movie of all time, Belly?

“Man, you think I give a fuck about a motherfuckin’ red light? Faggot cops can’t touch me. I’m out here smokin’ weed, speedin’, all that. That’s me. Untouchable.”

Why is he wasting all the good material in real life, when Belly so obviously deserves a sequel?