Did you know that some of the central tenets of Islam are economic beliefs?

For example, Muslims believe that the government can generate jobs. (Whereas the asshole contingent of the Republican Party, the largest contingent by far these days, believes that the government has never created one single job. Yes, whether you realized it or not, the world is divided into two groups of people: Muslims and the asshole contingent of the Republican Party. Or actually, to be scrupulously fair, three groups—Muslims, secret Muslims and the asshole contingent of the Republican Party.)

Muslims also believe that the government has the power to stimulate the economy.

In fact, that’s how you can tell whether someone is a secret Muslim. These beliefs give them away, and the American people — especially Republicans — are becoming increasingly more astute about recognizing this:

MR. GREGORY: Let me move on to something that seems to be related to this and has gotten a lot of attention this week, and this is the poll about the president’s own faith from the Pew Research Center. Eighteen percent of those polled believe that the president is a Muslim. Among Republicans, this is striking, 31 percent believe he’s a Muslim. Of course, he’s not. Why do you think these views prevail?

SEN. McCONNELL: Well, look, I think the faith that most Americans are questioning is the president’s faith in the government to generate jobs. We’ve had an 18-month effort here on the part of this administration to prime the pump, borrow money, spend money hiring new federal government employees, sending money down to states so they don’t have to lay off state employees. People are looking around and saying, “Where’s the job?”

MR. GREGORY: Right.

SEN. McCONNELL: The president’s faith in the government to stimulate the economy is what people are questioning.

MR. GREGORY: That, that, that’s certainly a side step to, to this particular question.

What I don’t understand is why didn’t McConnell just choose a career as a comedian?