1115.org

At times like New Year’s Day, do you find yourself wondering, as you take stock of your life, whether you are a member of what no less a political thinker than Newt Gingrich calls the “secular-socialist left”?

Here, in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, is an introspection guide. (Or, if you will, a litmus test for gauging pinkness.)

If you don’t think serial adulterers (or serious adulterers) need to embrace Christianity in order to rebuild their lives and marriages (and recover their golf game), you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that strip-searching 18 to 28-year-old Muslim men at airports does constitute racial profiling, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you don’t consider Newt Gingrich to be a political thinker, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that it’s nuts to block confirmation of the TSA chief because you don’t think TSA employees should be able to join a union, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that Charles Krauthammer is a whiny, self-indulgent mental midget, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you don’t think it’s funny to say that we should return all Gitmo detainees to Yemen, and use “Predator missiles to strike the baggage-claim area 20 minutes after they arrive”, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you wish that Prick Cheney (and his daughter) would just be banished from a) polite society, b) the airwaves, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that the American health care system is neither “working just fine”, nor “just dandy“, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that Bush, not Obama, is the one responsible for the fact that the “past decade was the worst for the U.S. economy in modern times”, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that the Iraq war did divert much-needed resources away from the Afghanistan war, you’re probably not Donald Rumsfeld’s mom, but one of the army historians responsible for writing the official history of the Afghanistan war (and a member of the secular-socialist left).

If you think that Karl Rove is both a propagandist for the Republican party and an apologist for the Bush regime but certainly not a journalist, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you don’t think Barack Obama is a “Power Hungry Arrogant Black Man, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that for Dick Cheney and his cohorts to attack the president over the Christmas Day Crotchfire attack, is “ugly,” “scurrilous,” “unfounded,” and “baseless”, you might be one of the contributors to the Washington Post’s very conservative editorial page (and a member of the secular-socialist left).

If you think it’s sleazy for Michael Chertoff to go on TV and tout the need for the federal government to buy more full-body scanners for airports, without any disclosure that “the Chertoff Group, his security consulting agency, includes a client that manufactures the machines”, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think this post is funny in parts, you might be a member of the secular-socialist left.

If you think that all of it is funny, “Hi Mom!”

If you think that most of it is funny, you’re definitely an atheist pinko fascist commie faggot baby-killer traitor to this country, and it behooves you to permanently switch your TV to Fox News, and to truly embrace Christianity, so that you do not continue to imperil your immortal soul, especially after Jesus went to all the trouble of dying to save you from your sinful treason.

(Here’s the scary thought: all the links are just from the past few days. Imagine if someone compiled a similar list for the last decade. Or even just 2009.)