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(4) The Living Buddha (contd.)

Then, there’s the curious case of Republican leader Mike Pence. In an interview with Sam Stein of the Huffington Post, he distanced himself from Limbaugh’s I-hope-he-fails mantra:

Asked whether he shares Rush’s hope that Obama will fail, Pence, the no. 3 ranked House Republican and a leader of congressional conservatives, demurred.

“Let me just say, every American hopes that our president is a success,” said Pence. “But I agree strongly with Rush Limbaugh that on those issues that President Obama has committed himself to more government or more spending or a departure from traditional values, that I hope Republicans and other leaders around the country will be steady advocates for the American people.

“Everyone hopes that America succeeds and our president succeeds,” Pence added, “but Republicans are going to stand for conservative values…”

Note that he was careful to “agree strongly with Rush Limbaugh” even while distancing himself from one specific statement. That apparently allowed him to get away with blasphemy, but just once.

In an interview that aired yesterday, MSNBC’s chief Washington correspondent Norah O’Donnell invited Mike Pence to denounce Limbaugh for saying:

We have to hope Obama succeeds, that we have to bend over, grab the ankles, bend over forward, backward whichever because his father was black, because this is the first black president.

This time, Pence knew exactly what line to toe:

“No doubt, you can agree with Rush Limbaugh about that he is calling this stimulus package essentially a sham what’s going on, that it’s just too full of wasteful spending. But on that specific thing – that we have to bend over because this is the first black president – why don’t you feel like you could denounce something like that?” O’Donnell asked.

She questioned the validity of Limbaugh’s remark at a time “when America’s trying to come together.”

“Are you so beholden to someone like Rush Limbaugh that you can’t say that that’s not the type of rhetoric, when America’s trying to come together and do something for the unemployment rate in your state of Indiana – now 8.2 percent – is that the type of rhetoric we need?” O’Donnell asked.

Pence fired back, explaining Limbaugh’s comments, and suggested O’Donnell reconsider the premise of her question if she meant to imply that Limbaugh was racist.

“Well look Norah, I don’t believe Rush Limbaugh got a racist bone in his body and if you’re suggesting that his statement had a racist element to it, I – I would commend you to a, a greater understanding of the positions that he’s taken,” Pence replied. “He’s a man that’s about opportunity for all Americans, regardless of race, creed or color. And I think that’s why he’s so admired and appreciated all across America.”

It is ever true that the Living Buddha can say no wrong. All who would misunderstand his esoteric teachings are simply to be commended to a greater understanding by the enlightened follower. (With pity, no doubt.)

So pray you, reflect on the following prior teachings of the Limbaugh:

I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

So in case you’re wondering how Pence could say there’s not a racist bone in his body, here’s the scoop. At the moment of attaining enlightenment, all the Limbaugh Buddha’s bones dissolved instantly into blubber. So now he’s 100% blubber (except for the parts that are 100% shit).

And let us end with the inspiring tale of Dick Armey, who yesterday evening on MSNBC’s Hardball revealed himself to be just as aptly named as Dick Cheney. Salon’s Joan Walsh and Armey were discussing some of the recent controversial pronouncements of the Limbaugh Buddha, when Armey got incensed by her multiple blasphemies. So out-of-control incensed that he let fly with:

I’m so damn glad that you can never be my wife because I surely wouldn’t have to listen to that prattle from you every day.

And so, know all ye prattling twats: ye blaspheme the Living Buddha at your own risk.