Fred Barnes, editor of the Weekly Standard, sat himself down and, after smoking (or shooting) whatever he needs to smoke (or shoot) before he can write the tripe he writes for a living, he produced a list of the ten great achievements of George Bush’s eight years in the White House.

Here they are, in condensed form, and in Barnes’ own words. Try to hold your snorts of laughter till the end. And, remember: if you throw your laptop on the ground in disgust, then Fred Barnes wins.

1. … his decision in 2001 to jettison the Kyoto global warming treaty… He stood athwart mounting global warming hysteria and yelled, “Stop!”

2. … enhanced interrogation of terrorists. Along with use of secret prisons and wireless eavesdropping …

3. …the rebuilding of presidential authority … He didn’t hesitate to conduct wireless surveillance of terrorists without getting a federal judge’s okay … Defending, all the way to the Supreme Court, Cheney’s refusal to disclose to Congress the names of people he’d consulted on energy policy was also enormously important.

4. Bush’s unswerving support for Israel

5. No Child Left Behind

6. Bush declared in his second inaugural address in 2005 that American foreign policy (at least his) would henceforth focus on promoting democracy around the world.

7. the Medicare prescription drug benefit, enacted in 2003

8. Then there were John Roberts and Sam Alito…

9. He strengthened relations with east Asian democracies (Japan, South Korea, Australia) without causing a rift with China. On top of that, he forged strong ties with India.

10. Finally, a no-brainer: the surge

I don’t know about you, but what impressed me the most was achievement number 6. Even after granting himself the license to make up any old crap, he couldn’t come up with ten things? He had to pad the list with something this lame?