What they tell you: Bush may skip opening ceremonies of Olympics

For the first time, White House spokeswoman Dana Perino Tuesday left the door open to President Bush skipping the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing to protest China’s crackdown in Tibet and human rights record.

Asked by CNN at an on-camera briefing if Bush will specifically attend the opening ceremonies in Beijing, Perino would not be definitive. “We haven’t provided any schedules on the president’s trip,” she said.

What only 1115 can reveal (thanks to our almost-Pulitzer-prize-winning army of flies on the wall):

The Chinese government sent a coded diplomatic cable to the White House on Monday. After decoding the cable, and translating it from flowery Chinese diplomatese to colloquial Bush-level American, it read:

“Idiot! Do we have to spell out everything for you? Of course, you are going to attend the opening ceremony of the games. Anything less, and we take the dollar — and the American economy — for a nose-dive. But, you bloody baboon, you might at least try to sound like you’re not our devoted slave. What’s all this “no question of boycotting the opening ceremony” nonsense? Come on, make it sound like it’s at least an option. Sell it to the public, a**wipe. And remember: don’t you dare ever kiss the Chinese ambassador’s ring in public.”

There is apparently an ancient Chinese proverb that goes: “He who has your balls in a vice, he’s your daddy!”