1115.org

John Cole (of Balloon Juice):

The positive outcome of the surge to stop the violence was an increase in elective violence.

Let’s not debate the merits or veracity of this claim, but point out that this is the worst framing of the situation in Iraq, ever- “The surge is so successful that we can expect a lot more violence!” This is even dumber than the previously trumpeted “The fact that they are resorting to suicide bombs is a sign of our success!”

Grey Matter:

Let me understand, so the reduction in violence served as the main reason for Bush and others to declare that the surge was succeeding, and yet now with this recent outbreak of fierce fighting they’re claiming it’s a “byproduct of the success” and a “positive moment.”

I see, this recent violence is just an after-effect of all that’s good with surge, like a fart after eating a big plate of beans.

I think I’m slowly starting to get the hang of this whole “how to judge if the surge is a success” thing.

If a tree falls in the forest, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If a bear sh*ts in the woods, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If the sky falls on our heads, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If George Bush holds a press conference, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If John Q. Public is clobbered by recession, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If Blackwater gets a huge new contract, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If Nouri Al-Maliki’s government declares a 24-hour curfew in Baghdad, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If the U.S. economy goes further down the tubes, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If “the Iraqi economy” remains an oxymoron, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If Cheney shoots someone in the face, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If winter turns to spring, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If John McCain loses his temper, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If John McCain tells outrageous lies about success in Iraq, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If Basra and Baghdad simultaneously erupt in convulsions of violence even as McCain, Bush, Cheney and Joe Lieberman (yes, that’s the company he keeps these days) tell outrageous lies about success in Iraq, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If Dana Perino makes a totally untrue statement at a White House press briefing, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If Dana Perino makes a totally stupid statement at a White House press briefing, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If a number 1 seed wins in the NCAA tournament, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If a number 1 seed loses in the NCAA tournament, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If there’s an NCAA tournament at all actually, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If cherry blossoms bloom in Washington D.C., that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If the JPMorgan-Bear Stearns merger falls apart, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If KBR gets away scot-free with covering up the rape of an employee by her co-workers, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If John McCain thinks that Shi’ite Iran supports Sunni al-Qaida in Iraq, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If gas prices top $4 a gallon, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If George Bush’s poll numbers go down, that’s a sign that the surge has been a success.
If George Bush’s poll were to ever go up again, that would be a sign that the surge had been a success.

If the CIA ever disavowed waterboarding, now that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If the Justice Department were to stop obstructing justice, that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If electricity and water were ever restored to normal in Baghdad, that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If the media were to ever call John McCain out for telling outrageous lies about success in Iraq, my friends, that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If George Bush ever stopped smirking at inappropriate moments, that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If Hank Paulson ever made a sensible statement about the economy, that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If Hillary Clinton ever stopped arguing that the delegates elected in the fake primaries in Michigan and Florida deserve to be seated at the convention, that would be a sign the surge had failed.
If Bush or Cheney ever committed a single honorable act in office, that would be a sign the surge had failed.