1115.org

Once upon a time, a President of these here United States went to Sydney, Australia to attend an APEC summit. Because this man was oddly detached from reality, he was convinced he was in Sydney, Austria to attend an OPEC meeting, but that’s another story, so we’ll let it pass.

On the last day of his trip, this president decided to address the nation during prime time. Most of his entourage of 700 scattered across the city to find an appropriate backdrop that he could stand in front of.

Remembering to take off his strap-on device first, this president stood behind the podium that stood in front of the anointed backdrop, put on his most solemn face, squinted at the teleprompter, smirked despite himself, and soberly informed us all that he had decided to return to the U.S. on day x.

Since day x was the day he had always been scheduled to return on, both the rented live crowd and the home audience burst into loud disbelieving laughter. At least as loud as the laughter that had greeted his OPEC/APEC and Austria/Australia gaffes.

This president learned a valuable lesson that day—you can get away with stuff like that only in the context of the Iraq war. (That is, of course, by Einstein’s Theory of Absoluteness Absolution, which states simply that in the context of the Iraq war you can get away with absolutely anything. Lies, stupidity, cupidity … anything.)

A lesson that he put to use very soon after that.

Calling for a prime-time address (from the Oval Office this time) — and not bothering to take off his strap-on device this time — he put on his most solemn face, squinted at the teleprompter, smirked despite himself, and soberly informed us all that he had decided to bring home some of the U.S. troops in Iraq. On or about the date by which everyone knew he had to start reducing troop strength, because there simply weren’t any more troops to replace those who had to be sent home.

Funny how the headlines didn’t read “Liar, liar, pants on fire”, or “President takes credit for no-choice action”. Funny how they read “Bush agrees to limited troop cuts in Iraq” and “Bush pledges Iraq troop reduction“.