(1)
Let’s first get that title out of the way. Mitt Polygomney is, of course, in very poor taste. But after first choosing to be photographed with that banner reading “NO TO OBAMA OSAMA AND CHELSEA’S MOMA (sic)”, and then holding it up, and then refusing to apologize, and dismissing the incident by saying: “You know what? Lighten up slightly!”, I’m afraid Romney is now fair game for poor taste jabs like this one. Let others take the high road, I’m going to dive into the pigpen with Polygomney, and mix it up a little.

Partly, what has me all riled up is Polygomney’s “explanation” for the OBAMA OSAMA photographs:

“I don’t look at all the signs when I’m having pictures taken. I have a lot of pictures taken with people,” Romney said. “I don’t really spend all that much time looking at the signs and the T-shirts and the buttons. I don’t have anything to say about a sign somebody else was holding.”

I’ve heard of people referring to themselves in the third person, but this is absurd. Hey, Mittsie! You held the sign up too. There are f*cking photographs, for the love of God.

But come back to that “explanation”. Enterprising journalists — if indeed we still have any roaming this once proud land — should, of course, put those assertions to the test. Send sock-puppets carrying signs to Romney rallies, and let’s see how many priceless photographs result. I’ll set the ball rolling with some nominations:
• Polygamists make better lovers.
• Mitt Romney: prostituting myself for the presidency every day.
• No sign too offensive! I’m running for President after all!
• Flip-flopping is just open-minded-ness. No one’s more open-minded than me.
• Polygamy rocks! Eat your heart out, America!

(2)
Mitt Romney, as presidential candidates are wont to do, went for the easy sound bites in New Hampshire on Sunday. This is the one I decided to pick as my text:

At a town hall meeting in Exeter later Sunday, he said, “I don’t want the guys who ran the (Hurricane) Katrina cleanup running my health care system.”

No, of course not. He just wants them to be running TWAT, and the Iraq war. And safeguarding our civil liberties. And upholding the Constitution. And managing the nation’s finances. And the economy.

Moreover, he wants to be the captain of the Keystone Cops, the guy running future hurricane cleanups. So he can say to America: “Don’t trust me to do anything right. Heck, even I don’t trust us to do anything right.”

Isn’t that who we need running America? Someone who thinks the federal government can’t even handle hurricane cleanup? Someone who can royally roger everything, and still honestly say: “I never let you down!” Because his campaign slogan was “Only incompetence! All the time!”

For the record, Mittsie, the federal government seems to have done a perfectly adequate job of handling the aftermath of hurricanes and other natural disasters before the triple whammy of that unhappy confluence of George Bush and Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff. Surely you’re not trying to dispute that? So it’s not federal government that’s incompetent by definition, it’s just the Bush administration? (Just speak up, if you will, Mittsie, can’t hear you too well in the cheap seats. Apart from that, of course, you’re doing a fine job, a heck of a job.)

(3)
Who better to run the government that can’t be trusted than a guy you cannot trust? That seems to be the unifying philosophy behind the campaigns of Mitt Polygomney, John McCain and Freddie Thompson, doesn’t it? They really seem to be competing to prove themselves more untrustworthy than everyone else.

Which explains not only the strong showing by “None of the Above” in the recent AP-Ipsos poll but also Newt Gingrich‘s political wet dreams.

So who do you think it’s going to be? One of the pathetic pygmies (see the Newt link) who can’t be trusted to do anything, or the man who would dearly love — putting aside past acts of lustful fornication outside the sacrament of marriage — to become the country’s problem (ditto).