1115.org

This Bush fellow is entirely too easy to manipulate.

It struck me only yesterday that if a major league a**hole like Prick Cheney could have Bush dancing to his tune for the last six years, surely anybody could play along at home, and win.

So yesterday I bid him to continue a high level of fearmongering through the Memorial Day weekend.

And here’s what happened today:

U.S. President George W. Bush on Thursday predicted a bloody summer in Iraq for U.S. troops and Iraqi civilians…

Yes, I did a double take too. That quote is from Reuters UK, but still. U.S. President George W. Bush? Now major news outlets in countries that are our BFFs have to remind their readers which country Bush is president of?

If I had any choice whatsoever as to what to say next, I would exercise it. But I don’t. There is only one possible statement. “What a fall was there, my countrymen!”

And don’t you smirk. It isn’t just Bush’s fall. It’s ours too, all of us.

But let me not leave you with the impression that all Bush is good for any more is having his strings pulled. He does some pretty good string-pulling himself. The best kind too: string-pulling with plausible deniability.

This was actually brought to my attention by Keith Olbermann during last evening’s episode of Countdown. (their transcript people seem to have started Memorial Day weekend on Friday morning; will add link whenever transcript is available)

If you ask Bush uncomfortable questions during hastily scheduled press conferences (which are presumably hastily scheduled precisely so that reporters don’t have too much time to come up with uncomfortable questions), Bush will now issue thinly-veiled Mafia-style threats. Aimed at your children.

NBC’s David Gregory asked:

Mr. President, after the mistakes that have been made in this war, when you do as you did yesterday, where you raised two-year-old intelligence, talking about the threat posed by al Qaeda, it’s met with increasing skepticism. The majority in the public, a growing number of Republicans, appear not to trust you any longer to be able to carry out this policy successfully. Can you explain why you believe you’re still a credible messenger on the war?

Bush punted pathetically: “I’m credible because I read the intelligence, David, and make it abundantly clear in plain terms that if we let up, we’ll be attacked. And I firmly believe that.”

And he obviously knew he’d managed to totally make a total fool of himself. And so he let fly with: “(Al Qaeda is) a threat to your children, David”.

To be fair to President Bush, he may not necessarily have meant: “I’ll get Osama to put you on his list.” He might have meant: “If you embarrass me again, David, something will happen to your children. And we’ll just pin it on Osama.”

And then a little later, Bush did the exact same thing again. This time The New York Times’s Jim Rutenberg asked:

Mr. President, yesterday you discussed Osama bin Laden’s plans to turn Iraq into a terrorist sanctuary. What do you think your own reaction would have been five years ago had you been told that towards the end of your term he would still be at large with that kind of capability, from Iraq, no less, and why — can you tell the American people — is he still on the run? Why is he so hard to catch?

Another really pathetic punt. (”Why is he at large? Because we haven’t got him yet, Jim.”)

(In case, you’re wondering. That wasn’t meant to be a joke. You can always tell when it’s meant to be joke. The entire press corps laughs. No matter how unfunny it is.)

For his pains, Jim got a “It’s a danger to your children, Jim.” And this time, Bush issued the threat even before he answered the damn question.

As a result of all this, I’m stumbling around in a daze, deeply concerned for the safety of my son. Because Bush sent me a message too:

Some may say, well, he’s just saying that to get people to pay attention to him, or try to scare them into — for some reason — …

The man is good. He didn’t even need to say: “You know who you are.” He knows that we do indeed know all too well who we are. If I had known he was going to pay attention to 1115, I would have done this under an assumed name from the outset.

(I’ve never attended a George Bush press conference. So I can only guess at what happens off-camera, but it’s easy enough to guess from what is shown on-screen. Every time Bush makes what is to be regarded as a joke, someone holds up a sign saying “LAUGH, or else”. And goons are dispersed throughout the audience to taser those who don’t. And they do, of course, also come after your kids later.)

Now, I know most of you have already realized this, so this is only for the two of you who haven’t (and everyone knows who you are, even if you don’t): if they’re monitoring this blog, they’re monitoring our readers. My advice to you would be: quickly post a comment denouncing this post, this blog, and me personally too for good measure. I promise I won’t take it personally.

Actually, maybe I’ll denounce myself too. Might work (with a man of his IQ).