1115.org

Inmates Take Swipe at Toilet Paper Cuts (AP):

Toilet paper is becoming a sought after commodity at the Hutchinson (KS) Correctional Facility after officials began limiting inmates to one roll at a time to trim costs.

Officials say the prison has long had a limit, but they learned recently that it hadn’t been enforced. Increased enforcement began this month.

Under the prison policy, inmates are restricted to four rolls of toilet paper each month or on an “as-needed” basis.

[Little known fact: I’ve actually been to Hutchinson, KS.]

Somehow, I don’t think the shortage is going to go down like this:

Seinfeld - “The Stall” (1994):

ELAINE: what a dope! uh..excuse me…umm.. I’m sorry this is.. this is kind of embarrassing but.. there’s no toilet paper over here.

JANE: (from the stall on Elaine’s right) are you talking to me?

ELAINE: yeah.. I…I just forgot to check, so if you could just spare me some

JANE: no I’m sorry

ELAINE: what?

JANE: no I’m sorry, I can’t spare it

ELAINE: you can’t spare it??

JANE: no there’s not enough to spare

ELAINE: well I don’t need much, just 3 squares will do it

JANE: I’m sorry I don’t have a square to spare, now if you don’t mind

ELAINE: 3 squares? you can’t spare 3 squares??

JANE: no I don’t have a square to spare, I can’t spare a square

ELAINE: oh is it two-ply? cause it it’s two-ply I’ll take one ply, one ply, one, one puny little ply, I’ll take one measly ply

JANE: look, I don’t have a square and I don’t have a ply (flushing and leaving)

ELAINE: no no, no no, don’t don’t, I beg you

How long until someone gets shived for a square?