1115.org

(1)

There are vicious allegations floating around that George W. Bush and Alberto R. Gonzales are the only two people on the planet who think that Buttercheeks did well last Thursday before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Makes perfect sense, of course.

As Jon Stewart explained to America Thursday night:

Alberto Gonzales doesn’t know what happened, but he assures you what he doesn’t remember was handled properly.

Now we learn that when George Bush said that Buttercheeks had “answered every question he could possibly answer, honestly answer, in a way that increased my confidence in his ability to do the job”, that was mathematically congruous (remember geometry?) to Gonzales’ performance. The President didn’t watch Gonzales’ testimony, but he assured America that what he didn’t see has greatly increased his confidence in Gonzales.

They’re just a perfectly matched pair.

In case anyone is tempted to think that maybe I’m being just a tad mean to Georgie, please go ahead and see for yourself. And do remember to repeat ten times before you go to bed tonight: “Sarabeth never lies. Sarabeth never even exaggerates. Sarabeth’s got it easy. All she has to do is tell the truth with a straight face.”

MS. PERINO: … And so when the Attorney General went up and answered hours’ worth of questions from the Congress, he did what he could in order to answer honestly and to the best of his ability. And that’s what the President asked him to do.

Q One more follow on this. I understand that point you’re making about what was proper and improper, but the fact of the matter is, that after the testimony you could call all over this town — I’m not just talking about the Jon Stewart’s of the world, the late night comics — I’m talking about Republican senators and congressmen and women who were saying, you know what, the Attorney General has no credibility, he did a lousy job on Capitol Hill yesterday. And now the President seems to be the only one saying, you know what, he’s doing a fantastic job.

MS. PERINO: Look, I understand that there are people who disagree, who are not supportive of the Attorney General. The President is. He appreciates the work that he’s done to combat terrorism and to protect children from predators and to stamp out corruption in government. And the President stands by him.

Q Dana, to follow on that, you just used a phrase that the President did today, “he answered as honestly as he could.” Isn’t honesty sort of black and white?

MS. PERINO: I think what I mean by that is that I know that there was frustration because there were several types of questions that the Attorney General could not answer with a “yes” or a “no” because he didn’t recall. And I think that’s what the President meant, and that’s what I mean now.

Q There were about 64 variations, according to some accounts in the media, 64 variations of “I don’t recall,” “I don’t remember. So what about that testimony in which he said “I don’t recall,” some variation, 64 times, that made the President say he now has increased confidence in the Attorney General?

MS. PERINO: Look, Ed, I think that you had testimony that lasted I don’t know how many hours, over seven hours, and so many of those questions were repeated over and over. And the Attorney General, who is an honorable and honest man answered truthfully. And I think that’s all that we can ask of any public servant or any of us in this room.

Q But did the President actually see the testimony?

MS. PERINO: He got regular updates from us while we were on the road — we were on the road that day, on the way to Ohio.

Q So how can he say he has increased confidence if he got updates from other people? So he didn’t actually see the testimony, himself, because –

MS. PERINO: He got updates from us, and I think he saw some news coverage of it later that day.

Q But as Jim noted, I mean, Arlen Specter yesterday said that it was “very, very damaging to his own credibility.” So what did the President see — well, he didn’t see the testimony, but what did he hear that he –

MS. PERINO: What the President knows is that the Attorney General answered honestly, truthfully and was as responsive to Congress as he could possibly be during hours of testimony and in turning over all the documents, and then making people that work for him available to the Congress in order to answer their questions.

He doesn’t have to see. He just knows. He’s the effing President. (In case you were wondering, we’re the ones getting effed. And he’s not going to pull out any time soon.)

(2)

A little postscript, and you may want to file this under “Your guess is as good…”

Q Last thing. The President, as of now, expects Attorney General Gonzales to stay on to the end of his term?

MS. PERINO: The President hopes so.

White House Press Secretaries are trained communicators. They always mean what they say, and say what they mean. Even when they’re acting. So President Bush hopes he expects Buttercheeks to stay till the end of his term.

Maybe one of these days Georgie will know that he expects?

Or maybe he’ll realize that Gonzo’s term ends whenever he goes. And then he’ll come out and say (or have it said for him, which is the same thing when you’re President) that there are no hopes, no expectations, he knows, he’s 100% confident that Attorney General Gonzales will stay on to the end of his term.