1115.org

Gen. Peter Pace put on a clinic last Sunday in Iraq on how to field questions without actually answering a single one, and without saying anything at all. My annotated version:

The Two-Hand Deadpan Stonewall
Q by a Marine: How much more time should the Iraqi government be given to achieve the political unity necessary to stabilize the country?
The Pace A (edited for smoothness): As long as it takes, which is not forever. Setting a deadline for the U.S. to withdraw its support would risk pushing the Iraqis into political decisions that are unviable. On the other hand, you do not want to leave it open ended.

The Inscrutable Wisdom Of The East
Q by another Marine: Will U.S. troops stay in Iraq in the event of an all-out civil war?
The Pace A (ditto): A civil war is possible, but not expected.

No Ifs Or Buts
Another Q by another Marine: What will the U.S. do if the Iraqi government does not support extending the U.N. resolution authorizing the presence of coalition troops in Iraq?
The Pace A (ditto): The Iraqis have already said they favor extending the U.N. mandate.

You Ask The One You Want To Ask, I’ll Answer The One I Want To Answer
Yet another Q by another Marine: Is the war coming to an end?
The Pace A (ditto): Pentagon officials and military leaders are trying to keep enough troops in Iraq to achieve the mission of training Iraqi troops to take over the security mission, while avoiding having so many that it creates an Iraqi dependency.

Rumors that Pace has submitted an audition tape to President Bush (a la Stephen Colbert) for the post of White House Press Secretary could not be confirmed at the time of going to press.