Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (3/30/03):

It happens not to be the area where weapons of mass destruction were dispersed. We know where they are. They’re in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (8/3/06):

Are there still Taliban around? You bet. Are they occupying safe havens in Afghanistan and other places — correction, in Pakistan and other places? Certainly they are. Is the violence up? Yes. Does the violence tend to be up during the summer, in the spring, summer and fall months? Yes it does.

Rummy has had quite the 24 hours: First he lied about troop readiness, then he lied about his past statements on war progress:

I have never painted a rosy picture. I have been very measured in my words, and you’d have a dickens of a time trying to find instances where I have been excessively optimistic. I understand this is tough stuff.

And to cap it all off, he contradicts himself for good measure.

So because he can’t get his stories straight, and by popular demand: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Shut The Fuck Up!