Recent Bushisms: An Unauthorized Parsing

by sarabeth at 6:00 am on December 22nd, 2005 in Bush Man Date

I’m nothing like a dictator, I don’t have unchecked power, and if you keep saying that I do, you’re just going to make me very, very mad.

From time to time I may tell you what you think, or I may tell you what you want, but that doesn’t make me dictatorial (I don’t chomp cigars).

Me and my regime may be answerable to no one, but that doesn’t make me dictatorial (it makes me a war-time President authorized to respond to 9-11 with all necessary force, and don’t force me to show you what that means, miss).

Me and my regime may be forced to engage in interrogation methods that the civilized world regards as torture but it’s not (because I say so, and legal luminaries like Harriet Meirs and Alberto Gonzales back me up), and it doesn’t make me dictatorial (no bananas in this republic).

Me and my regime may be forced to engage in international kidnap and secret detention, but that doesn’t make me dictatorial (I’ve never taken off my shoes and pounded the table at the UN).

My super secret spy police may be forced to spy on you and your neighbors and protest organizations across the nation, but that doesn’t make me dictatorial (it just means al Qaeda is evil).

I may be forced to appear in public only in staged appearances before screened audiences who deliver rehearsed lines and behavior, but that doesn’t make me dictatorial (it only makes me dumb; or sensible about being dumb, which is almost like being smart, innit?).

I’m not a dictator, and you don’t have to just take my word for it. I have proof. Or proofs. Proves. (Whatever!)

  • If something smelly makes international headlines, we launch investigations, and someone actually gets rapped on the knuckles at the end (remember that old prison in Iraq, the one they named after the monkey in Aladdin?).
  • We have two levels of checks and balances. Me and my regime are answerable to ourselves, and to each other.
  • I have never been accused of shrieking “Off with her head!” (though Cindy Sheehan drove me pretty close, let me tell you).
  • But the number one reason why I’m not a dictator: I was elected fair and square. Twice. (Okay, at least once.)

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