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Deep in an underground bunker, sometime in July 2004, there was a top secret meeting of the energy industry task force. This is the industry body charged with the task of forcing high gas prices down the collective throat of America.

Someone cleared his throat and said, “Dick!” At top secret meetings of the energy industry task force, it is customary to preface every remark with the word “Dick!” The origins of this ritual are lost in the sands of time, and shrouded in secrecy besides, but University of Chicago researchers are alleged to believe that the ritual may stem from the fact that everyone in the room is either actually named Dick or is one (or both, of course).

He then went on to bemoan the fact that American consumers just wouldn’t stop griping about high gas prices. “At $2 a gallon, it’s cheaper than milk, but they just won’t stop griping. I’m really tired of being the worst guy in the world. Isn’t there something we can do?”

“You’re not suggesting we cut the price, are you, Dick?” someone asked in a silky voice.

“Oh no, perish the thought!”

“Well, then what can we do? I doubt that anyone on Madison Avenue can talk the American consumer into being happy to pay $2 a gallon for gas.”

And that’s when Dick thought outside the box, jumped to his feet, and went “Dick! I got the mother of all ideas! We don’t drop the price, we raise it! We’re already the worst guys in the world. We can’t become any badder by putting up the price. Let’s raise it all the way to $3. Let’s keep it there long enough that everyone really starts hurting from paying that much. Let’s throw a few talking heads out there to tell America how prices will probably go up even more come winter. Then we’ll let it creep back down to $2. I bet we’ll see Americans GLAD to pay $2 a gallon for gas then!”

A hushed silence fell upon the room. They were all seasoned veterans of the energy wars, experienced and mature enough to refrain from bursting into applause. But in his heart and in his glittering eyes, each person in the room acknowledged that this Dick was a genius, that really he should be nominated Dick-head. This was just a win-win situation. In the short-term, profits would soar. In the long-term, someone else would take over from the energy industry as the worst person in the world.

And then someone spoke up: “But Dick, if we just raise the price without any justification it may not go over very well, the country and the economy and our friends in government all being in the shape they’re in.”

And everyone glumly agreed that yes, that was true. But in short order, an agreement was reached. Sit tight till something happens that we can use for cover. Use that as an excuse to push the price up.

And so when Katrina hit, text messages went out from Dick to Dick: “Prayers answered. Let’s roll!”

And even as Dick-head had spoken it out, so did it come to pass. All over America, over the last ten days, people have been going: “Thank god gas is down to a reasonable level again! Now at least I’ll have some money to spend on Christmas shopping!”