1115.org

From the Washington Post, Sunday, October 16:

“(Miller) said her notes leave open the possibility that Libby told her Wilson’s wife might work at the CIA. “Wife works at bureau?” the notes say.”

Okay, let’s get this straight, children. Punchin’ Judy is a seasoned, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist. She finds herself smack dab in the middle of a growing scandal. By her own account (or at least by version 6.0 thereof; who knows what the next release will add or subtract or multiply or divide?) she decided to go to jail so that her testimony wouldn’t get Libby into trouble, because that’s what she thought Libby asked his lawyer to ask her lawyer to ask her to do. (Oh, so it had nothing to do with the First Amendment? How deeply disappointing!) And she has now clean forgotten the most critical elements of the conversations she thought Libby was asking her to keep her trap shut about?

In tribute to this fearless champion of the freedom of the press, this martyr to the cause of the First Amendment, Woodward and Bernstein will hold a press conference to be beamed live on national TV (and to foreign lands, besides). The grand finale will be a sketch where they say “You know what, when all that stuff came out a few months ago, we really wanted to say that after all these years we’ve forgotten who Deep Throat is. That we did look over all our notes, but unfortunately we just didn’t find the name written down anywhere. At the end, of course, we would have said a heartfelt ‘Shucks!’ But our editors and publishers just wouldn’t go for it. Hats off to the editors and publishers of the New York Times, who are obviously made of sterner stuff.” (W & B will, of course, go on win a Pulitzer Prize for ass-kicking political satire.)

Someone will try to explain to the nation why it makes the slightest difference whether Libby or Rove, in their conversations with Judith Miller and Matt Cooper respectively, used Valerie Plame’s name or just said “Wilson’s wife.” They will end up looking even more ludicrous than Scott McClellan manages to look at most White House press corps briefings.

The Ignobel Prize will be awarded to a researcher who tots up all the column-inches and TV-anchor-hours devoted over the last six months to piously included caveats like “Rove did not, however, refer to Plame by name.”

A reporter will ask FBI Director Robert Mueller the following hypothetical question: “So if someone threatens to kill “POTUS” but does not identify the President by name, the FBI will be unable to investigate, because if you don’t use the name then there’s no harm, no foul?” Unable to agree (because who the fuck would buy it) or disagree (“I’ll lose my job, or least a significant number of balls”), Mueller will implode on camera.