“A good woman is like a McGriddles…”

There might not be a more frightening sentence in the English language. But that didn’t stop McDonalds from building a commercial around it anyway, adding another gooey layer onto the marketing landfill that is “I’m Lovin’ It”. I’m sure that an entire gender loves being compared to a greasy breakfast sandwich that was once thrown at a stripper’s ass on the Howard Stern show. To paraphrase at least four dozen stand-up comedians, “Who are the advertising geniuses who thought of this one?”

Oh, that’s right. They’re the same advertising geniuses who thought it would be good to have crack dealers waxing eloquent about a dime-bag of Mickey D’s. Speaking of rappers getting clowny-ass checks from Mayor McCheese, McDonalds is actually paying to have references to Big Macs inserted into hip-hop lyrics:

The goal is to have several tracks hit the radio airwaves by the summer…For the deal involving the Big Mac, McDonald’s receives final approval of the lyrics, but it will ultimately allow artists to decide how the sandwich is integrated into the songs. “The main thing is to allow the artists to do what they do best,” Mr. Rome said. “We’re letting them creatively bring to life the product in their song.”

Ugh.

I’m guessing that rhyming “Big Mac” with “Heart Attack” will be frowned upon. But this opens up a whole new world in fast food advertising; Burger King can counter by dusting off the classic “It Takes Two” by Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock, which stated quite emphatically “I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac”. And, of course, White Castle could appropriate the entire “Licensed to Ill” album by The Beastie Boys, which name-checks the chain at least 46 times. I hear their fries only come in one size.