Your Handy Guide to Timed Absorbtion of News Events in America

by matt at 6:03 am on November 1st, 2004 in Bush Man Date, Podium Spin

A new rule of politics was introduced on Friday, and the implications are truly limitless:

“You would think there would be maybe 12 hours to let the American people absorb this,” said Dan Bartlett, the White House communications director.

Bartlett was speaking about the new videotape from Osama bin Laden, but why limit the new “time out rule” of politics to statements from terrorist leaders?

  • Elected officials “choking on pretzels:” - 4 hours
  • Tons of high explosives looted: - 36 hours
  • Mentioning your opponent’s lesbian daughter: - 5 minutes
  • Huge unexpected rise in poverty rate: - 9 months
  • Presidential Daily Briefing entitled “bin Laden Determined to Strike in U. S.: - 2 years
  • First stolen election: - 4 years and counting…
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