1115.org

Pop quiz, hotshot: which of the following movie and celebrity-related quotes were not used in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s convention speech last night?

a) “…we must be fierce and relentless and terminate terrorism”

b) “And to those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don’t be economic girlie-men.”

c) “You know what he said to me then? He said, ‘Arnold, I’ll be back.’”

d) “…no, it is not a tumor!”

e) “Speaking of acting, one of my movies was called “True Lies.” And that’s what the Democrats should have called their convention!”

After nearly a year of Governor Ahhhnold, it’s become obvious that he can’t speak for more than four minutes without making a reference to his own stardom. The routine is about as predictable as the sunrise, and seems to have gone on for as long as recorded time itself. Not that the crowd cared—fueled by optimism and drunk on star power, the Republicans cheered rapturously for their action-hero governor.

Schwarzenegger’s speech rarely touched on any matters of actual policy—that will come tonight when big Dick Cheney makes his appearance on the stage. Instead, Schwarzenegger spent much of his speech talking about the one thing he knows best: himself. It was meant to focus on his realization of the American Dream, going from humble immigrant to the Governor’s Mansion. “If you work hard, and play by the rules, this country is open to you,” he said with a smile. It sounds a lot better than “if you’re rich, and you have influential friends, then this country is open to you.”

It’s not like Arnold sailed past Ellis Island with a threadbare suitcase and a bowler hat—he was already a Mr. Universe champion by the time he set foot on American soil, so it can be argued that he had advantages that most immigrants can only dream of.

The rest of the speech was the expected “hey look, we’re compassionate and inclusive again!” message that apparently causes swing voters to swoon en masse. But while it was nice to see this idea dusted off from the 2000 campaign, after the last four years it’s hard to see how anyone can take it seriously.

Maybe it makes more sense coming out of the mouth of a movie star.

(by the way, the correct answer is “D”)