“I Love the Leader” – Homer Simpson

Random Thoughts on the State of the Union

Considering that this year’s State of the Union address was such an upbeat-yet-bland affair, those of us who were looking for humor had to take solace in NBC‘s Tom Brokaw. Describing the security measures in place during the SOTU, Brokaw started waving around a foil plastic bag similar to those found in the Congressional chamber. These bags, he explained solemnly, contained gas masks “in case of a chemical or biological attacks.” C’mon Tom—this is a speech, not a heroic test of will. Brokaw later said of the President, “It seems like today is red tie day”. Thanks for using those hot journalism skills to help the colorblind…nice to know that insightful analysis carries the day at the Peacock network.

Welcome to the Photo-Op factory: As the president was making his way to the podium, a baby seemed to magically appear into his arms. Smiling, the president stopped and gave the baby a big kiss in the way that all good politicians are supposed to. Now, far be it for us to say that this moment was manufactured. But we have our suspicions. During the baby-kiss lovefest, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist exclaimed “There’s the shot of the night!”. And, in case a few photographers were busy tying their shoelaces, he repeated himself.

Watching the Cabinet walk in is like being at a mass arraignment. Oh the corruption.

Not one mention of Osama bin Laden. Not one acknowledgment that our “recovery” is only helping people who own stock and not people who work for a living. It’s OK that he didn’t make a 1 hour apology for how much damage he has done to this country, but a little honesty and reality would have gone a long way.

It takes gall to talk about education when he cut Pell grants by approximately 70%. Compassionate conservative credentials in full effect.

This speech was quite different than last year’s. Sounded like they really tried to play it safe. Only the response from Nancy Pelosi and Tom Daschelle was worse.

Fear and Terror: How many times did he say those words? Was he talking about the fear and terror of having to face a Democrat besides Howard Dean?

“No one can doubt the word of America” – Except the American citizens. Obvs.
Same for the National Endowment for Democracy which seems to be responsible for fostering democracy in the middle east. How’s that working out?

Happy days, jobs are on the rise! Yeah, those 1,000 jobs gained in December really put us over the top.

“The Kay report contained evidence of ‘weapons of mass destruction-related program activities” – WTF? That’s why we went to war? Seriously, it’s nu-cle-ar, not nuk-ya-lar. This man has had access to “the button” for three years now. Shouldn’t he be required to say it properly?

Although there was much talk of terrorism and rogue nations, there was very little in the SOTU that tied Iraq to terrorism. There was talk about torture chambers and nebulous “weapons programs”, but nothing that really connected with last year’s doom-and-gloom predictions. But Bush did lay out this choice nugget: the coalition led by the US “supported the demands of the United Nations.”

Perhaps inspired by Dean’s manic recital of states’ names last night in Iowa, The President was inspired to recite many of the “Coalition of the willing” country names. He wasn’t nearly as loud as Dean was, and he didn’t scream at the end, but it was a little weird to see the two speeches one day after the other.

The crowd reaction shots were my favorite part. Teddy Kennedy‘s expressions and disgust were only topped by the (non-brass) military people in the audience. Could the military vote be up for grabs this election? I’d have to say that if the Dems put up John Kerry or Wesley Clark the military vote might be split in half. How would the Republicans feel about the overseas military ballots then?

At many points during the speech, Bush really illustrated the “upbeat” strategy that had been predicted. At times, especially when he was being applauded, he seemed almost giddy. It was interesting to contrast him to others in the audience—Dick Cheney kept his head tilted downward with a scowl that made him look like a Dickens villain. Condoleezza Rice, not to be outdone in the scowl department, looked like an actor on one of those old Keystone Beer “Bitter Beer Face” commercials. And Democrat Charles Rangel was apparently asleep when they trained the cameras on him.

It’s been a while since there was any heckling at a SOTU. I guess the Democrats in Congress just couldn’t let the USAPATRIOT act get mentioned without cheering for it’s expiration. Big Up to the cameraman who focused on Tom DeLay and John Ashcroft during that part.

While building his case for continuing the Patriot Act, Bush said that we must give law enforcement “every tool” to combat terrorism. In other news, the President and certain Republican leaders have refused to extend the deadline of the commission investigating 9/11—and this is a commission who has repeatedly claimed that the White House dragged its feet in providing needed information.

All good conservatives should be so happy about the $23 Million for drug testing in schools and doubling the budget for abstinence education. Add these to the other pointless tax cuts and cynical programs and we’re talking about a lot of money. Funny how there was no mention of how this is supposed to be financed. Oh yeah, on the backs of all the children brought into the Capitol as props. I forgot for a second.

Steroids? Someone start impeachment proceedings against Ahhhnold.

I thought we were going to the Moon. And Mars. Guess the polling wasn’t so hot.

I was walking out of the room when The President spilled a glass of water on Dick Cheney. Hopefully someone has that on tape.

John Kerry sounded great in his interview with NBC. The most effective 5 minutes and Democrat has had since Bill Clinton left office. I wonder how John Edwards feels about Kerry stealing his stump speech and turning it on Bush.

Actual screenshot from the White House’s SOTU page. I didn’t know that Hall of Fame Pittsburgh Steeler’s running back Franco Harris ever gave a SOTU.