Everyone is a Financial Panther Institution
by 1115 at 7:30 am on January 8th, 2004 in Munee on Money Posted by Munee Cashilini
So by now you’ve probably heard of the mighty Patriot Act II and it’s inexplicable redefinition of just about everyone who handles money as a “financial institution”
Now Matt and Jason have been whining about the first Patriot Act since day one, but a high roller such as myself has insufficient time for such Chicken Little alarmism. In fact, damn do those guys whine a lot. And I don’t know this new girl, but listen honey, I don’t want to read about your issues with the rest room. In fact, how on earth did I get lumped together with these hot-tubbers?
But anyway, back to John Ashcroft and his burning desire to be dictator. I’m pretty sure that my baccarat dealer is now technically a financial institution. With the amount of scratch that is in play when I sit down, that dude touches the equivalent of Zaire’s GDP in just a few hours.
I’ve yet to read the whole bill, but I have heard that there are some other reclassifications.
My valet parking attendant is now classified as a NASCAR driver.
The guy who paints my condo is now classified as an artist. (He claims validation)
My fish tank cleaner is now classified as Jacques Cousteau.
The security guards who carry my cash-filled attaché are now classified as Delta Force.
The private detective who follows my ex-wife is now classified as an FBI agent.
And my Asian masseuse is now classified as a prostitute, doctor.
Three cheers for puritanical totalitarianism!
I look forward to Patriot Act III - The Clone Wars in early 2005.
I’m off to Lake Tahoe to do some skiing. But I feel the need to warn you:
Caesar’s Tahoe is nothing but a Super 8 with slot machines and marble statues of naked men.
Forager wrote:
“…Caesar’s Tahoe is nothing but a Super 8 with slot machines and marble statues of naked men.”
at least Caesar’s Vegas has mirror’s on the room ceilings… (well my room did anyway..) along with slot machines and naked marble men
Posted 08 Jan 2004 at 8:51 am ¶
jamie wrote:
listen cashilini, you may not know me, but i got your NUMBER. watch your back.
Posted 08 Jan 2004 at 9:31 am ¶
jean-paul wrote:
i just wanted to throw in here a brief note about how this was the greatest dadaist political-esque headline ever. although maybe i just don’t know that there really may be a term for “financial panther”.
and while i’m at it, how many distinct login contributor/posting accounts do you guys have?
Posted 08 Jan 2004 at 11:27 am ¶
matt wrote:
Financial Panther is from The Simpsons, one of the funnier episodes ever.
I lost track of how many of us there are. Some are more real than others.
Posted 08 Jan 2004 at 11:35 am ¶
Forager wrote:
“Get him, Sheba!”, “Let’s Get Fiscal”, and “What are you doing man!? That’s Carl!” come to mind…
Posted 08 Jan 2004 at 1:07 pm ¶