WE KNOW DRAMA.
If you watch the TNT network with any frequency, you know that this phrase is repeated so often that it literally makes your head hurt. As basic cable’s self-appointed guardian of all that is dramatic, it has come up with some pretty interesting credibility stretches while trying to justify every single aspect of its programming (including NBA games and NASCAR races) as “drama”.
(For the Jackie Chan / Chris Tucker action comedy Rush Hour: “Drama is taking China’s best detective…and teaming him up with L.A.’s worst!!!”)
But as far as TNT’s programming is concerned, nothing punches through the credibility barrier faster than THE NEW CLASSICS, TNT-speak for “any movie we have the rights to”. No one is quite sure how a movie gains “New Classic” status, though apparently this guy has had a lot of success:
Yep, that’s my main man Steven Seagal taking the law into his own hands for what is a major cinematic achievement: 1997′s “Fire Down Below”. A certified New Classic, according to TNT. New Classic status has also been granted to the fantastic spectacle known as “The Glimmer Man”, co-starring Keenan Ivory Wayans and seen by approximately 16 people in 1996.
Don’t think for one moment that Seagal is the only monosyllabic action star with an inside line to New Classic gold. A phalanx of Non-Rocky Stallone movies also are New Classics: “Demolition Man”, “Tango & Cash”, “Cliffhanger”, “Assassins” and “Driven” to name a few. How TNT forgot “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” will remain an eternal mystery.
Other notable New Classics: “Days of Thunder”. “Stepmom”. “Overboard”. “The Shawshank Redemption”. (Wait a minute, that last one actually WAS a good movie — what’s it doing here?)
“I’m finally in a new classic! Thank you! Thank you!”
So, how does TNT pick the New Classics? A quick look at their website FAQ breaks it down in an refreshingly straightforward fashion:
“The “New Classics” campaign is basically an advertising slogan that uses movies from our library in print ads and on-air spots.”
Ah, that explains it.