The New Classics
by Jason at 9:43 am on October 28th, 2003 in EntertainmentWE KNOW DRAMA.
If you watch the TNT network with any frequency, you know that this phrase is repeated so often that it literally makes your head hurt. As basic cable’s self-appointed guardian of all that is dramatic, it has come up with some pretty interesting credibility stretches while trying to justify every single aspect of its programming (including NBA games and NASCAR races) as “drama”.
(For the Jackie Chan / Chris Tucker action comedy Rush Hour: “Drama is taking China’s best detective…and teaming him up with L.A.’s worst!!!”)
But as far as TNT’s programming is concerned, nothing punches through the credibility barrier faster than THE NEW CLASSICS, TNT-speak for “any movie we have the rights to”. No one is quite sure how a movie gains “New Classic” status, though apparently this guy has had a lot of success:
Yep, that’s my main man Steven Seagal taking the law into his own hands for what is a major cinematic achievement: 1997’s “Fire Down Below”. A certified New Classic, according to TNT. New Classic status has also been granted to the fantastic spectacle known as “The Glimmer Man”, co-starring Keenan Ivory Wayans and seen by approximately 16 people in 1996.
Don’t think for one moment that Seagal is the only monosyllabic action star with an inside line to New Classic gold. A phalanx of Non-Rocky Stallone movies also are New Classics: “Demolition Man”, “Tango & Cash”, “Cliffhanger”, “Assassins” and “Driven” to name a few. How TNT forgot “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” will remain an eternal mystery.
Other notable New Classics: “Days of Thunder”. “Stepmom”. “Overboard”. “The Shawshank Redemption”. (Wait a minute, that last one actually WAS a good movie — what’s it doing here?)
“I’m finally in a new classic! Thank you! Thank you!”
So, how does TNT pick the New Classics? A quick look at their website FAQ breaks it down in an refreshingly straightforward fashion:
“The “New Classics” campaign is basically an advertising slogan that uses movies from our library in print ads and on-air spots.”
Ah, that explains it.
tom wrote:
was “the fire down below” the one where he was in alaska stopping some kind of oil related shit from going down? that one was kinda hot. same with the “glimmer man”, the tiger penis joke just doesnt get old.
Posted 28 Oct 2003 at 12:24 pm ¶
Jason (1115) wrote:
Actually, I think Fire Down Below had something to do with a mining company poisoning a town in Kentucky or Tennessee or some other state where all the “Southern hick town” stereotypes could be used. According to IMDB.com, the Alaska movie was “On Deadly Ground”…but, like almost all Seagal movies, they pretty much seem interchangible.
Posted 28 Oct 2003 at 12:44 pm ¶
Uncle Grambo wrote:
I prefer the Seagal flick where he battles Twin Rastafarian Drug Lords … i think it was “Hard To Kill.” he utilized the clothesline in a repeatedly best evs fashion (the wrestling move, not what you hang your laundry on).
Posted 29 Oct 2003 at 2:28 pm ¶